life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
