Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
