My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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