THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
