So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to jail i love you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
