I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
