I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
