So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
