Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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