im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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