when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
