Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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