Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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