My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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