paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
