I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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