bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
