I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
