Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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