how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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