Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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