his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have tasted many bathrooms
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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