I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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