you would pick up someone in the library
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
