im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just pee around me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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