I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
