I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
