i think my tv is drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Enjoy the penises
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
