He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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