i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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