There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
