Someone shit on the floor
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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