i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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