How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
