If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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