do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
