News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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