Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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