What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
