Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize