the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
