u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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