i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
