I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
