Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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