I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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