I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I didn't notice because vodka
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
