I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk is a universal language darling
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