turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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