Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
