Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
