I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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