Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
