is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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