I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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