At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
