I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
