You're so nebulous sometimes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
