whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize