I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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