I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
