This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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