it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
