She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
