Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
