I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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