I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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