Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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