I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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