My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
